Been pretty low on spoons lately, to the point where I didn't even know how to describe it until I saw someone somewhere else say "low on spoons" about themselves and then I remembered that that's a phrase I can use. So I've been kinda quietly struggling until right now.
The canker sores in my mouth make it hard to eat, I'm feeling kinda weird in my throat as if I have mucus or something. My mom suspects I have a virus or something because I'm more tired and irritable lately. But I self tested for Covid though and it says negative.
My legs hurt when I stand still for more than a couple minutes. My entire body kinda feels pain except I'm not exactly sure where. News about terrible things happening in this world is stressing me out and somehow stress could be the reason for all my physical problems.
To top it off I woke up at 5:00 am because of a sound, and i can't fall back asleep and it's already 6:24.
I can't sleep on my side now because my neck suddenly hurts when I do that now? A new thing.
I have long hair but I can't tie it because i can't figure out a combination of a comfortable sleeping pose and a way to tie my hair that doesn't press into my skull.
When I pray about these things, at this point the only words I can come up with are “please help” because I don't know where to start on my problems.
I'm so tired
So this is basically a vent I wrote in a Discord server one night that I realized was kinda rhythmic sounding, so I made some edits for it to be like a poem, but not really like a typical poem I guess. I'm inspired by the poem "there's laundry to do and a genocide to stop" by Vinay Krishnan, which I'll admit gave me the panic attack that inspired Breather, but it was still so good that I just wanted to do something like it. So I guess this is my thanks!